Deep within the pain, I rejoice

My soul is a parched land
waiting for rain to pour down
i cry without tears in my eyes
my heart is about to flatline

I want to run but I can only crawl
longing to touch that thread of hope
my flesh is full of sharp thorns
the winter nights have been long

Oh my Lord, my everlasting God
My faith sees you no matter what
I know that you are always around
You keep watching over my life

This is just a day of sorrow
I receive comfort from your words
there will be strength tomorrow
deep within the pain, I rejoice

~ Marianne S.

I want to see you

Midnight, I just can’t stop wondering
if you’ve ever fallen in love with somebody
rather than just fall for somebody’s body?
I want to ask you as my heart is seeking

I sailed away to the deepest part of the sea
as my heart ponders, I slightly have fears
are you too good to be true, are you real?
I do not know you, but i want to see

You’re currently a shadow as I imagine
what will it be like when we finally meet?
did you also have the same yearnings?
I want to ask you as my heart is seeking

I just felt a pinch deep within me
but I guess that’s just the idealistic me
If you love depth and Jesus like me
I do not know you, but I want to see

~ M. Salonga

Communion

Him:
It’s time for rest my love
lay down your head on my chest
you are safe under my watch
My presence is a hiding place

Her:
You are the shield of my heart
evil lurks to put me in darkness
when I am with you there’s light
In your presence I’m protected

Him:
Hush, evil will die by my hand
for my love for you knows no end
I see troubles bringing you down
My presence is love come inside

Her:
In to you I see nothing but love
Here I am in your presence
I believe I finally understand
you have called me your beloved

Him:
Come closer and hold my hand
Here we are in the garden
In this communion, you are mine
I have called you my beloved

Little Gestures of Love

I was always afraid to hear the end times
I am not proud of what I have carried out
but knowing i have salvation from Christ
I am going to be alright because He’s love

The good news is He is patient and kind
a knock of comfort in my heart arrived
comfort said “love, you still have a chance”
I am going to be alright because He’s love

I have given a friend a hug right now
I called my mom to hear my voice say “hi”
I gave someone food without being asked
I visited prisoners to preach Christ

I packed extra food to share with someone
I hugged her instead of waving goodbye
I secretly prayed strength for his trials
I gave water to a weary homeless man

At the end of the day it will all clump up
Time is wealth but there’s no need to rush
realise now gestures don’t have to be grand
Little gestures of love is always significant

~ M. Salonga

What if it were really the end of the world?

Marianne Journal Entry #3

Hey yo!

If I were really in an apocalypse, I realise how much my thoughts would’ve change. I’ll see people with so much forgiveness, love, and mercy as if what they did wrong don’t really matter anymore because death has them by its grip in any moment. If someone who I know of is to die, I will have nothing but care and love for them make their last moments filled with love. pure kind of love.

Sometimes, I am self-serving and I admit it, I always worry, which is not pleasing with God. So I meditate on Matthew 6’s “Do not worry” part, it really helps my way of thinking every time I read it. I think of things I could do to make myself better as if that were to help. It does for awhile but it never really sticks. One thing that sticks to me, is to really have that alone time with Jesus. I do believe without even noticing that I am being renewed and I’ll have my Aha! moments wherein I’ll say “Aha! Jesus changed my way of thinking” like right now.

While I do care for others and while how awful some of the government have been handling this pandemic paranoia, I have been taking this distance to my benefit which is to really get to know myself and His perfect will. I pray, I read His Word, READ, READ, READ, READ, READ.. simply because reading means learning and consuming. So instead of consuming angry thoughts. I consume eternity ~ His words. His words will never pass away He said.

With all the things that I have learnt today, my favourite one is how little gestures of love to someone matter and it counts even if no one sees it. It gathers and clumps into a big love. I know people said live your life as if it were your last day but with this revelation I realise how self-serving that is. So now, live your life as if it were last day of everybody else or people you know. That thought hit the core of my heart and it’s now forever stuck.

Three Voices

three voices live inside me

the lies of the devil
and the truth of my King
and my soul’s longing

my thoughts are blurry
so I end up singing
lead me to your will

O my soul keep seeking
my heart mocks me
so I fear and worry

I fall down to my knees
shed a river of tears
O truth fill my spirit

my thoughts are blurry
I will keep on singing
lead me to your will

O my soul keep seeking
I see the day of my victory
I will soon find my King

My King will reign in me
I will keep believing in Him
I am not alone in this

~ M. Salonga

For the sake of love and faithfulness

I have faced much pain in this brink of death
Each day I am tested but my faith prevails
I am a sheep taken care by the shepherd
Henceforth, I will always take another step

I did not bail even when Im afraid to fail
I stood still even when i think of running away
I felt like a soldier charging in the battle
I have worn the armour yet i still tremble

To swing my blade against any attackers
The first blow didn’t scare them away
I continue even when I was discouraged
I didn’t quit even when it seems impossible

Sooner or later victory shall be claimed
I may encounter pain at a thousandth step
But my faith won’t waver every step I take
For in my prayers, I was given such strength

In spite of the sting of the blade of distress
I have shown courage and persistence
All of this sufferings I have experienced
I press on, for the sake of love and faithfulness

~M.Salonga

My Father’s Lullaby

My fear, it creeps in me
so I run to my room in peace
switched off the lamp of my body
to fix my eyes and see glory

I entered with thanksgiving
even when Im bearing my worries
to your arms i run and lean
like a child hiding for security

I lift up my head and see
how beautiful your heart is for me
you were moved with mercy
for the sake of your love, you forgive

You did not condemn me
even when I am blemished
You wanted to wash my filth
so you did and intervened

You parted the seas
You made the storms still
You fought in wars valiantly
and laid your life for me

even death has lost its sting
all this things you did for me
So I enter with thanksgiving
even when Im bearing my worries

for you know I am weak
but I know you saved me
your grace is sufficient for me
so I lean to you to be still

then you sing a lullaby to me
so rock-a-bye baby my dear
you have been tired lately
from overthinking all these worries

Just stay and be still
You’ll be safe and sound with me
For I’m your Father since the beginning
You’re my child, I’ll never leave

so rock-a-bye baby my dear
you have been tired lately
from overthinking all these worries
I am here, I am here

Just stay and be still
You’ll be safe and sound with me
For I’m your Father since the beginning
You’re my child, I’ll never leave

~M. Salonga

Step of Faith

The days have grown longer
and fonder of my emptiness
when I wake up on a new day
I only feel loathe and despair
I am hopeless and a loser
I miss the days of excitement

I have been given happiness
and it has been taken away
A season of my life has ended
a frightening new chapter entered
to take journey up the mountains
To bear the pain of new heartbreaks

my fear is awfully widespread
my faith feels smaller than ever
and I keep asking what happened
to my unwavering commitment
I want to finish the life that is given
but I am afraid of what is ahead

Oh look, I am sentence to death
burdened beyond my strength
fell down to my knees and wept
I prayed prayers to the heavens
I am seeking in my emptiness
knocking loud in the silence

the doors have widely opened
and I entered a room with rivers
I see my reflection in the waters
a great voice speaks, i heard
what is in you is the answer
remember the picture of grace

remember to keep eating my bread
you’ll be sustained and strengthened
I have build a fortress in the fire
take refuge and endure the battle
It is I, It is I, who will conquer
for what is in you is the answer

rely not on yourself beloved
for I am giving you more of myself
remember I have never left you
what is in you is the answer
take a step of faith in the battle
for in your hands, I have delivered

~M. Salonga

To the One Who Truly Loves Me

In the beginning you have seen me beautifully
I can’t understand why you married me
when others are much more fit and skilled
when there are days I have whored and cheat

You know how low I am in this atmosphere
I wasted the days and time of our relationship
I keep on thinking if there’s still an opportunity
But woe to me, for I know how you hate sin

I act out of deception, I went away to be merry,
I have befriend the beasts of the field
thinking that we would make a good deal
but they ended up consuming my everything

Now, I am less than nothing, I was manipulative
I lie after another lie, I cheat my way to win,
prostituted myself to see milk and honey
Oh my foolishness got me to the deepest pit

Here I am, trapped and staring at an ugly scenery
looking at darkness, ashamed, sorry, and empty
thinking of the day you looked at me beautifully
it got me to my knees and poured out tears

then there you are bailing me out of this heap
not knowing you were chasing after me publicly
even when others are much more fit and skilled
even though you know Im a whore and a cheat

You gave up everything just so you could have me
Oh this weight of love is overcoming me!
how could I comprehend this news of mercy?
I do not deserve it yet you have shown it to me

then I heard your voice, calm, serene, and still
call me your husband once again” he said tenderly
“never go back and start anew with me
“I will make you lie down in my safety”

Stirred in the love that is high, wide, and deep
So I stand up on my feet and run, run to him
to run and lean to the one who truly loves me
for there is no love like this, yes a happy ending

 

~ M. Salonga

Healing In Writing

When I am in sorrow
I write in the tranquility
drowning in my thoughts
but an unfound peace exists

It’s difficult to fathom
I admit I am tired and weak
so I explain it in metaphors
For it’s what I can only give

write, I can see art in my words
I find this creativity amazing
what a beautiful phenomenon
For I admit I am tired and weak

As I confess my flaw and errors
I discover the beauty to it
I write, an instrument of hope
for there is healing in writing

~M. Salonga

Plead My Cause

Oh hear, I continue to plead my cause
Oh tears, how long will I be in this chaos?
this deep black hole feeds my soul
In the wilderness I’ve been belaboured

How could I bear this crown full of thorns?
I question situations but it is still you I follow
I do shrink back at times but I press on
In the wilderness I’ve been belaboured

I try to keep oneself unstained from this world
In this purification I plead my cause once more
Even when I lose I know all things will unfold
In the wilderness I’ve been belaboured

As the devil keeps bombarding my soul
I grew weary, I know God will plead my cause
to plead my cause once more, once and for all
In the wilderness I have found a saviour

Oh dearest, continue to rise as I fall
lean on the fullness of the glory of the Lord
you will go farther along with compassion
I will be with you in the inferno of firestorm

As I fall, I will rise my kingdom shall be known
Continue to write for this hope is shown
Even when there is no reason to hope
Continue to hope for all things will unfold

~M. Salonga

I Would Be With You Again

I long for the day I would be with you again
though Im in the midst of the war I will be confident
You’ve told me you’ll be coming back so I wait
It is your will to let me wait and rest in your embrace
For I only trust in your heart and nothing else

I know everything will be okay for you are sovereign
there are times i cannot comprehend your ways
but when you intervene I am only amazed
the understanding I have gain change me everyday
even though you are away, your love is evident

Oh gone are the days of my former circumstances
where I lay in my bed and weep bitter prayers
for whatever is to come has already been named
for in my heart you have written your promises
You have filled my existence with such effervescence

Even when you are far away, my love for you grows stronger
Our distant love is an unbreakable kind and it’s the greatest
From three days of separation and on the third day to forever
How incredible, while away, in my toughest struggle, in battle
I still hope for the day I would be with you again

 

~ M. Salonga

Seeking Heart

Her heart asks, she asks questions that seem silly to us
Who is us? us are the wise, the smart, the chosen ones.
I was told to not hinder the Children to Him and His heart
So here I am, being asked of who was, is, and is to come

Continue to seek Him my child, continue your way to the light
Who is the light? the light is seen through Heaven’s eyes
Do not run, do not hide, for unconditional is His love
So here I am, as her heart asks who was, is, and is to come

Her heart do not understand, but she continue to ask
Who is the word? The Word is life and of eternal one
Do not lose heart, for His burden is light, ask and find
So here I am, listens to asking of who was, is, and is to come

Her heart finally understands, she gain insight and life
What is life? Life is not of this world but of glorious one
When the day comes, everything you see will be of renewal
So here I am, patiently, we wait of who was, is, and is to come

~ M. Salonga