What if it were really the end of the world?

If I were really in an apocalypse, I realise how much my thoughts would’ve change. I’ll see people with so much forgiveness, love, and mercy as if what they did wrong don’t really matter anymore because death has them by its grip in any moment. If someone who I know of is to die, I will have nothing but care and love for them make their last moments filled with love. pure kind of love.

Sometimes, I am self-serving and I admit it, I always worry, which is not pleasing with God. So I meditate on Matthew 6’s “Do not worry” part, it really helps my way of thinking every time I read it. I think of things I could do to make myself better as if that were to help. It does for awhile but it never really sticks. One thing that sticks to me, is to really have that alone time with Jesus. I do believe without even noticing that I am being renewed and I’ll have my Aha! moments wherein I’ll say “Aha! Jesus changed my way of thinking” like right now.

While I do care for others and while how awful some of the government have been handling this pandemic paranoia, I have been taking this distance to my benefit which is to really get to know myself and His perfect will. I pray, I read His Word, READ, READ, READ, READ, READ.. simply because reading means learning and consuming. So instead of consuming angry thoughts. I consume eternity ~ His words. His words will never pass away He said.

With all the things that I have learnt today, my favourite one is how little gestures of love to someone matter and it counts even if no one sees it. It gathers and clumps into a big love. I know people said live your life as if it were your last day but with this revelation I realise how self-serving that is. So now, live your life as if it were last day of everybody else or people you know. That thought hit the core of my heart and it’s now forever stuck.

Life is an Ongoing Recovery

Wanting our hearts to heal
To live a life of milk and honey
But this life’s full of shit
A place where rest is a sin

Life’s an ongoing recovery
Face all kinds of pain everyday
To cry, pray, and think
laying down in the bed broken

Shouting to the heavens
with so much trust and faith
To let the winter end
and may summer rise again

Time will tell us when
the pain would go far away
A notebook and pen
A companion to depend for days

To be angry or to be happy
feelings in a roller coaster ride
This is truly damaging
for our little fragile minds

Wanting our hearts to heal
To live a life of milk and honey
But this life’s full of shit
A place where rest is a sin

Life’s an ongoing recovery
Face all kinds of pain everyday
To cry, pray, and think
laying down in the bed broken

Shouting to the heavens
with so much trust and faith
To let the winter end
and may summer rise again

~M. Salonga

Write My Cries

I cried one at night

I cried waking up

Praying loud to God

To help me stand up

or just end my life

All i see is black

For there is no love

I could think of mom

my last straw to life

but were miles apart

Alone in the dark

with my thoughts & mind

so i write it up

my way to survive

I am a Christian

might be in the light

but my sight is blind

or mind filled with clouds

Keep moving forward

says my little heart

Just please write it up

a way to survive

says my little heart

~ Marianne Salonga

Beautiful Dream

I just want to fast track everything
where everything is a beautiful dream
I want to see myself flying free
and stop myself from asking and thinking
when will misery stop chasing me?
what if I start singing, dancing, or painting?
would my life be better off with these
I would love to end the following years
that does not look good for me
fast tracking everything where hardships
would probably not be haunting me
Too bad I can only see it by imagining it
I guess I could be more positive and believe
I could probably foresee the possibilities
The problem is wanting it immediately
Welcome to the frustrations of being me
so much to expect and believe
To die is gain indeed but so is living free
Here I am again, contemplating and reflecting
but thats just how it is, so I say so be it
Just let life to keep on shaping me & moulding me
into something precious like the amethyst
I just simply want to reach and achieve
that desire I have in me: beautiful dream

~ M. Salonga

What I learnt about good and bad relationships?

There are many types of relationships: familial, romantic or intimate, professional, and friendly or brotherly. I learned that any good relationship is important to our lives and bad relationships dries up our lives and cut our lives short. In this post, I would emphasise the pros of having a good relationship more, than the cons of having a bad relationship. Now, why is a good relationship important?

Live Leave

I have live
I don’t want to leave
I have dreams
Inside of me
I’ll go after it
I’ll chase after it
But I can’t,
Mr. Anti-dreams
Will get me
Eat me
Kill me
But,
I am a soldier
And a warrior
Fight for it
Go for it
But I can’t,
Mr. Anti-dreams
Will assassinate me
Eradicate me

Annihilate me
But,
I am the leader
And a master
Adjure!
Charge!
But I can’t

Mr. Anti-dreams,
Will take me into hell
Will snatch me into hell
I say
I have a dream
Inside of me
I have not attain it
So I have not live
I am going to leave”

~ M. Salonga