Communion

Him:
It’s time for rest my love
lay down your head on my chest
you are safe under my watch
My presence is a hiding place

Her:
You are the shield of my heart
evil lurks to put me in darkness
when I am with you there’s light
In your presence I’m protected

Him:
Hush, evil will die by my hand
for my love for you knows no end
I see troubles bringing you down
My presence is love come inside

Her:
In to you I see nothing but love
Here I am in your presence
I believe I finally understand
you have called me your beloved

Him:
Come closer and hold my hand
Here we are in the garden
In this communion, you are mine
I have called you my beloved

Little Gestures of Love

I was always afraid to hear the end times
I am not proud of what I have carried out
but knowing i have salvation from Christ
I am going to be alright because He’s love

The good news is He is patient and kind
a knock of comfort in my heart arrived
comfort said “love, you still have a chance”
I am going to be alright because He’s love

I have given a friend a hug right now
I called my mom to hear my voice say “hi”
I gave someone food without being asked
I visited prisoners to preach Christ

I packed extra food to share with someone
I hugged her instead of waving goodbye
I secretly prayed strength for his trials
I gave water to a weary homeless man

At the end of the day it will all clump up
Time is wealth but there’s no need to rush
realise now gestures don’t have to be grand
Little gestures of love is always significant

~ M. Salonga

What if it were really the end of the world?

Marianne Journal Entry #3

Hey yo!

If I were really in an apocalypse, I realise how much my thoughts would’ve change. I’ll see people with so much forgiveness, love, and mercy as if what they did wrong don’t really matter anymore because death has them by its grip in any moment. If someone who I know of is to die, I will have nothing but care and love for them make their last moments filled with love. pure kind of love.

Sometimes, I am self-serving and I admit it, I always worry, which is not pleasing with God. So I meditate on Matthew 6’s “Do not worry” part, it really helps my way of thinking every time I read it. I think of things I could do to make myself better as if that were to help. It does for awhile but it never really sticks. One thing that sticks to me, is to really have that alone time with Jesus. I do believe without even noticing that I am being renewed and I’ll have my Aha! moments wherein I’ll say “Aha! Jesus changed my way of thinking” like right now.

While I do care for others and while how awful some of the government have been handling this pandemic paranoia, I have been taking this distance to my benefit which is to really get to know myself and His perfect will. I pray, I read His Word, READ, READ, READ, READ, READ.. simply because reading means learning and consuming. So instead of consuming angry thoughts. I consume eternity ~ His words. His words will never pass away He said.

With all the things that I have learnt today, my favourite one is how little gestures of love to someone matter and it counts even if no one sees it. It gathers and clumps into a big love. I know people said live your life as if it were your last day but with this revelation I realise how self-serving that is. So now, live your life as if it were last day of everybody else or people you know. That thought hit the core of my heart and it’s now forever stuck.

My Father’s Lullaby

My fear, it creeps in me
so I run to my room in peace
switched off the lamp of my body
to fix my eyes and see glory

I entered with thanksgiving
even when Im bearing my worries
to your arms i run and lean
like a child hiding for security

I lift up my head and see
how beautiful your heart is for me
you were moved with mercy
for the sake of your love, you forgive

You did not condemn me
even when I am blemished
You wanted to wash my filth
so you did and intervened

You parted the seas
You made the storms still
You fought in wars valiantly
and laid your life for me

even death has lost its sting
all this things you did for me
So I enter with thanksgiving
even when Im bearing my worries

for you know I am weak
but I know you saved me
your grace is sufficient for me
so I lean to you to be still

then you sing a lullaby to me
so rock-a-bye baby my dear
you have been tired lately
from overthinking all these worries

Just stay and be still
You’ll be safe and sound with me
For I’m your Father since the beginning
You’re my child, I’ll never leave

so rock-a-bye baby my dear
you have been tired lately
from overthinking all these worries
I am here, I am here

Just stay and be still
You’ll be safe and sound with me
For I’m your Father since the beginning
You’re my child, I’ll never leave

~M. Salonga

To the One Who Truly Loves Me

In the beginning you have seen me beautifully
I can’t understand why you married me
when others are much more fit and skilled
when there are days I have whored and cheat

You know how low I am in this atmosphere
I wasted the days and time of our relationship
I keep on thinking if there’s still an opportunity
But woe to me, for I know how you hate sin

I act out of deception, I went away to be merry,
I have befriend the beasts of the field
thinking that we would make a good deal
but they ended up consuming my everything

Now, I am less than nothing, I was manipulative
I lie after another lie, I cheat my way to win,
prostituted myself to see milk and honey
Oh my foolishness got me to the deepest pit

Here I am, trapped and staring at an ugly scenery
looking at darkness, ashamed, sorry, and empty
thinking of the day you looked at me beautifully
it got me to my knees and poured out tears

then there you are bailing me out of this heap
not knowing you were chasing after me publicly
even when others are much more fit and skilled
even though you know Im a whore and a cheat

You gave up everything just so you could have me
Oh this weight of love is overcoming me!
how could I comprehend this news of mercy?
I do not deserve it yet you have shown it to me

then I heard your voice, calm, serene, and still
call me your husband once again” he said tenderly
“never go back and start anew with me
“I will make you lie down in my safety”

Stirred in the love that is high, wide, and deep
So I stand up on my feet and run, run to him
to run and lean to the one who truly loves me
for there is no love like this, yes a happy ending

 

~ M. Salonga

Battling against homesickness…

Marianne’s Journal Entry #1

Hey yo! How are you and you and you?,

WEDNESDAY, AUSTRALIA – One night, I dreamt of a beautiful dinner date but was suddenly interrupted when I woke up. I saw a beautiful banqueting hall with a specific table and chair just for me and my date. I felt at peace, calm, only thinking of pure and noble love for my date (I somehow felt like I was in my spirit), then my date told me “My beloved, here’s the banquet hall leading to our table for my banner over you is love” (Song of Solomon 2:3-4) and I realise that it wasn’t just a date, it was a wedding and my groom was Jesus. As I was walking the halls leading to our table and chairs. I just woke up. It was interrupted. I did not have the chance to sit, or the chance to see Jesus, or the chance to have a conversation with Jesus. As I woke up, I instantly started thinking about Facebook, Instagram, things to do for the day; To be honest, waking up like that sucks, it was frustrating. I realise how it made me so aware how different the spirit is to my flesh (Galatians 5:17). But, I was also grateful because that was a beautiful vision and radical encounter I had with Jesus.

After a few days, I have felt a huge homesickness and had an urge to go back to the motherland but when I have searched my feelings I didn’t exactly want to go back. It kept me up all night wondering why do I feel so lonely despite my good relationship with my spiritual family here in Australia. I examined deeper, I did some comparisons by weighing the pros and cons, and I have come to the discovery I want to truly go home because I do not belong in this world anymore, I felt like an exile. I couldn’t figure why so I had a conversation with my Mom, who is my mentor, my coach, and of course my role model.

Before talking to my mom, I was stuck for a while feeling lonely. I asked friends what could this be, they told me to pray but in reality I was waiting for answers because I do pray for the struggle I was having; every time I am at my worst I cling to Jesus even more. I do my devotions everyday, I continually go to church every Sunday, I continually pray, I continually never give up on hearing and hearing the word, and interact godly activities . But finally, I opened up to my mom with the experience I was having she finally gave the answer I was looking for. She told me the reason why I was feeling homesick and lonely – It is because, I have finally deprived and emptied my flesh of ungodly activities which my flesh misses and the feelings I am feeling is the perfect reaction for my willingness for obedience for the flesh follows its own while the spirit honours and follows the will of God. She told me how I do not belong to this world anymore (John 15:19) and how I belong to another world which is the kingdom of God that can’t be found in the current world I am in but only through Jesus. I realise it’s the cares of this world that weighs me down and choke me to confusion (Matthew 13:22). So I am grateful for my mom who exposed me this.

Because of that Revelation, I reflected back on the vision God has given me, I realise how much I miss that dream but I also long for the day of His coming back. The wedding He had for me is also for every follower of Jesus. So I would want to share this verse:

Let us rejoice and exult
    and give him the glory,
for the marriage of the Lamb has come,
    and his Bride has made herself ready (Revelation 19:7)

I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. (Revelation 21:2)

10 And while they were going to buy, the bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the marriage feast, and the door was shut. (Matthew 25:10)

I have learnt that no matter where I go in this world there will always be an emphatic homesickness in me since I had the essence of what its like to be with Jesus. But at the same time, I am grateful for this because without this weakness I wouldn’t be able to understand. I have the similarity with Paul’s experience.

even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.

Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. (2 Corinthians 12:7-9)

Finally, while I am still alive I will continue to live in accordance to following the will of the Lord. For I long for the day of His coming as he promised. For even though I am weak He watches over me and takes care of me. My true home is not of this world. Also, I do not fear for the days to come because God is faithful.

Thus says the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel, to all the exiles whom I have sent into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: Build houses and live in them; plant gardens and eat their produce. Take wives and have sons and daughters; take wives for your sons, and give your daughters in marriage, that they may bear sons and daughters; multiply there, and do not decrease. But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare. (Jeremiah 29:4-7)

10 “For thus says the Lord: When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will visit you, and I will fulfill to you my promise and bring you back to this place. 11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare[b] and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. 13 You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile. (Jeremiah 29:10-14)

Therefore, I do not belong to this world and I don’t have to fight homesickness because it’s normal. In fact, I am embracing it as it reminds me of whom I truly belong to. Now, I would no longer be burdened for it is carried by Jesus and the weight of cynicism has been laid aside. I am now free of this world.

So the world has lost it’s grip on me ~ Tenth Avenue North

Relentless Woman

This is a woman i want to be
a relentless one
She knows what her identity is
in the eyes of God

No one gives her insecurity
For she never crash
In the past, she failed miserably
Now, she’s towards God

Relentless woman only flourish
She knows what’s true love
She knows it’s not about the physique
but clinging to God 

At night, she speaks through her tears and grieve
From mourning, joy comes
Her identity’s securely sealed
For she pursue God

This is a woman i want to be
a relentless one
She knows what her identity is
in the eyes of God

To the relentless woman i will be
For I pursue God
I can only say nothing but cheers
For I see the light

~M.Salonga

#RelentlessWoman

Together Forever

Your love overtakes
it feels like heaven

All of my days
your name will be praised

You are my secret place
my safe place

To lean in your chest
Oh this experience

The love in my veins
I cannot contain

Nothing can separate
We’re together forever

From faith to faith
Always growing stronger

In my weakness
You are my help

How could I forget?
When you saved the day

What can I say?
I am speechless

For your love overtakes
it feels like heaven

All of my days
your name will be praised

You are my secret place
my safe place

To lean in your chest
Oh this experience

The love in my veins
I cannot contain

Nothing can separate
We’re together forever

~M. Salonga

When we finally walk away

Inhale Exhale, Inhale Exhale
Look at him one last time
begging a glimpse of his face
but my mind stood the ground

letting go and walking away
reminding myself never again
from all the pain I‘ve felt
craving to find my soul again

For chances were given
Convincing myself to stay
trying to fix whats already broken
taken for granted once again

The power of courage took over
has made me stronger than ever
Saving myself from heartbreak
To finally give my heart a break

~M. Salonga

Loving someone broken

We fall in love with vulnerability
Not aware that it can painfully kill
We see the good but afraid to see it all
so when we jump we lost it all

Loving someone broken is truly a challenge
for we never know what might happen
ending up both confused and depressed
Not knowing leads to both wreckage

Many issues are tackled and confronted
Solving problems by flowers
Many issues came back over and over again
Discovering flowers aren’t the answer

A shattered glass wounds the fixer
accidentally cutting himself
Loving someone broken
Loving by carrying the burdens

We all fall in love with vulnerability
Not aware it can painfully kill
We know how this story ends
both lead to their death

~M. Salonga

I Need You Still

On the run feeling numb

For I am losing the sun

Slowly losing my breath

Just trying to do my best

My eyes filled with tears

Self-pity and overthinking

All these demons in my head

Here I am, frightened

Know that I need you still

I try to keep myself still

I hope you remember

the love we spent and dreamt

We used to live for tomorrow

Chasing after our own rainbow

Now we’re just strangers

In a place called nowhere

You have always seen me

You have always loved me

Know that I need you still

I try to keep myself still

Monsters are now my companion

No ones going to catch when I fall

I only see a beautiful dead end

If I live, the only fool is myself

For every memory crushes me

I can only hear broken symphonies

My beating heart hurts like hell

I’m just pining for death, my friend

~ M. Salonga

Write My Cries

I cried one at night

I cried waking up

Praying loud to God

To help me stand up

or just end my life

All i see is black

For there is no love

I could think of mom

my last straw to life

but were miles apart

Alone in the dark

with my thoughts & mind

so i write it up

my way to survive

I am a Christian

might be in the light

but my sight is blind

or mind filled with clouds

Keep moving forward

says my little heart

Just please write it up

a way to survive

says my little heart

~ Marianne Salonga

Words Unspoken

Have you ever wanted to speak your mind?

but you ended up staring in the sky

and lose oneself because words are not found

I could totally understand and relate in some ways

there must be some reason God erased the thoughts in our head

Im hoping God also erased the feelings of depressed

If I look closely and act as a judge

The person who is at fault is just me

The person who is truly blind is me

Every night I fell asleep at 3am

I just try to write my feelings on my bed

black, white, smileys, chocolate, doodles, scribbles

It is a never ending cycle everyday

breakfast, lunch, dinner and it would still be the same

So I just try to write my feelings on my bed

black, smileys, doodles, scribbles, and words unspoken