What if it were really the end of the world?

Marianne Journal Entry #3

Hey yo!

If I were really in an apocalypse, I realise how much my thoughts would’ve change. I’ll see people with so much forgiveness, love, and mercy as if what they did wrong don’t really matter anymore because death has them by its grip in any moment. If someone who I know of is to die, I will have nothing but care and love for them make their last moments filled with love. pure kind of love.

Sometimes, I am self-serving and I admit it, I always worry, which is not pleasing with God. So I meditate on Matthew 6’s “Do not worry” part, it really helps my way of thinking every time I read it. I think of things I could do to make myself better as if that were to help. It does for awhile but it never really sticks. One thing that sticks to me, is to really have that alone time with Jesus. I do believe without even noticing that I am being renewed and I’ll have my Aha! moments wherein I’ll say “Aha! Jesus changed my way of thinking” like right now.

While I do care for others and while how awful some of the government have been handling this pandemic paranoia, I have been taking this distance to my benefit which is to really get to know myself and His perfect will. I pray, I read His Word, READ, READ, READ, READ, READ.. simply because reading means learning and consuming. So instead of consuming angry thoughts. I consume eternity ~ His words. His words will never pass away He said.

With all the things that I have learnt today, my favourite one is how little gestures of love to someone matter and it counts even if no one sees it. It gathers and clumps into a big love. I know people said live your life as if it were your last day but with this revelation I realise how self-serving that is. So now, live your life as if it were last day of everybody else or people you know. That thought hit the core of my heart and it’s now forever stuck.

Step of Faith

The days have grown longer
and fonder of my emptiness
when I wake up on a new day
I only feel loathe and despair
I am hopeless and a loser
I miss the days of excitement

I have been given happiness
and it has been taken away
A season of my life has ended
a frightening new chapter entered
to take journey up the mountains
To bear the pain of new heartbreaks

my fear is awfully widespread
my faith feels smaller than ever
and I keep asking what happened
to my unwavering commitment
I want to finish the life that is given
but I am afraid of what is ahead

Oh look, I am sentence to death
burdened beyond my strength
fell down to my knees and wept
I prayed prayers to the heavens
I am seeking in my emptiness
knocking loud in the silence

the doors have widely opened
and I entered a room with rivers
I see my reflection in the waters
a great voice speaks, i heard
what is in you is the answer
remember the picture of grace

remember to keep eating my bread
you’ll be sustained and strengthened
I have build a fortress in the fire
take refuge and endure the battle
It is I, It is I, who will conquer
for what is in you is the answer

rely not on yourself beloved
for I am giving you more of myself
remember I have never left you
what is in you is the answer
take a step of faith in the battle
for in your hands, I have delivered

~M. Salonga

Plead My Cause

Oh hear, I continue to plead my cause
Oh tears, how long will I be in this chaos?
this deep black hole feeds my soul
In the wilderness I’ve been belaboured

How could I bear this crown full of thorns?
I question situations but it is still you I follow
I do shrink back at times but I press on
In the wilderness I’ve been belaboured

I try to keep oneself unstained from this world
In this purification I plead my cause once more
Even when I lose I know all things will unfold
In the wilderness I’ve been belaboured

As the devil keeps bombarding my soul
I grew weary, I know God will plead my cause
to plead my cause once more, once and for all
In the wilderness I have found a saviour

Oh dearest, continue to rise as I fall
lean on the fullness of the glory of the Lord
you will go farther along with compassion
I will be with you in the inferno of firestorm

As I fall, I will rise my kingdom shall be known
Continue to write for this hope is shown
Even when there is no reason to hope
Continue to hope for all things will unfold

~M. Salonga

Be Patient

When I look at my past
all I can see is wrath
all I can see is dark
Oh for who’s fault but mine?

I write my heartaches
and burst out my anger
the dangers of rage
Oh when will I be patient?

When I look at me now
my heart is still undone
Oh when will i run back
like the prodigal son?

Silent at this moment
A whisper from heaven came
Emmanuel, Emmanuel
In your affliction, be patient

I choose the time
Rush of wind from above
It is I, It is I
The one and only Alpha

Heart starts to beat louder
From the heavens,
A gushing flame of fire
Behold, reap the harvest

I choose the time
Rush of wind from above
It is I, It is I
The one and only Alpha

Stand firm on your faith
Know that I am able
In your life, it will be evident
the prophecy, always remember

I choose the time
Rush of wind from above
It is I, It is I
The one and only Alpha

In your affliction, be patient
In your test, be patient
In your challenges, be patient
But in everything, pray

~ M. Salonga

Together Forever

Your love overtakes
it feels like heaven

All of my days
your name will be praised

You are my secret place
my safe place

To lean in your chest
Oh this experience

The love in my veins
I cannot contain

Nothing can separate
We’re together forever

From faith to faith
Always growing stronger

In my weakness
You are my help

How could I forget?
When you saved the day

What can I say?
I am speechless

For your love overtakes
it feels like heaven

All of my days
your name will be praised

You are my secret place
my safe place

To lean in your chest
Oh this experience

The love in my veins
I cannot contain

Nothing can separate
We’re together forever

~M. Salonga

Anchored

I have been tossed by the waves of emotions to and fro
I was lost in the sea of confusions and the unknown
In the life of fear, I have made horrible decisions
The tears that was shed, grieved for the sake of my own soul

Hear my mourning for I need a champion out of Sodom
Blinded by my own depression hoping for tomorrow
I offer this empty life for im nothing and alone
Going back to the source of salvation and redemption

In my anguish and cries, the heavens responded a roar
the champion of heavens rescued me out in the lowest point
From resuscitation to redemption, one, two, three, four
A new heart started beating, A new heart has been bestowed

As I get up on my feet, I did blow the loudest horn
I could see it coming down, my own walls of Jericho
All I could see, unending opportunities and hope
To my champion, I will remain and strongly anchored

For my champion listened and responded with action
For he loved me in my darkest and lowest and gave his all
For he swam down the confusions and showed his favour
To my champion, I will remain and strongly anchored

 

~ M. Salonga

#NeverLettingGoNoMatterWhat

Life is an Ongoing Recovery

Wanting our hearts to heal
To live a life of milk and honey
But this life’s full of shit
A place where rest is a sin

Life’s an ongoing recovery
Face all kinds of pain everyday
To cry, pray, and think
laying down in the bed broken

Shouting to the heavens
with so much trust and faith
To let the winter end
and may summer rise again

Time will tell us when
the pain would go far away
A notebook and pen
A companion to depend for days

To be angry or to be happy
feelings in a roller coaster ride
This is truly damaging
for our little fragile minds

Wanting our hearts to heal
To live a life of milk and honey
But this life’s full of shit
A place where rest is a sin

Life’s an ongoing recovery
Face all kinds of pain everyday
To cry, pray, and think
laying down in the bed broken

Shouting to the heavens
with so much trust and faith
To let the winter end
and may summer rise again

~M. Salonga

Words Unspoken

Have you ever wanted to speak your mind?

but you ended up staring in the sky

and lose oneself because words are not found

I could totally understand and relate in some ways

there must be some reason God erased the thoughts in our head

Im hoping God also erased the feelings of depressed

If I look closely and act as a judge

The person who is at fault is just me

The person who is truly blind is me

Every night I fell asleep at 3am

I just try to write my feelings on my bed

black, white, smileys, chocolate, doodles, scribbles

It is a never ending cycle everyday

breakfast, lunch, dinner and it would still be the same

So I just try to write my feelings on my bed

black, smileys, doodles, scribbles, and words unspoken

Rest forever, The End

Trying to reflect,
I looked at myself
I see struggle
I see pain
I just can’t help
but notice darkness
So I remain silent
I want to share
all my secrets
It is twisted
It is from hell
So i just accepted
that the attempt
to share
Won’t just happen
So I observe
So I wait
Pain’s bigger
Struggle’s harder
Im now in chains
I’ve fallen
into the deepest
part of well
I want help
What is sane?
What is the answer?
In my death
would I be replaced?
I guess
I just need rest
to rest forever
the end
I am now
seeing silhouette
and sunset
is this heaven?
Watching the end
of skies and water
I just want to stay
Experience a moment
where darkness
just faded
out of nowhere
Rest forever,
The end

~ M. Salonga

Beautiful Dream

I just want to fast track everything
where everything is a beautiful dream
I want to see myself flying free
and stop myself from asking and thinking
when will misery stop chasing me?
what if I start singing, dancing, or painting?
would my life be better off with these
I would love to end the following years
that does not look good for me
fast tracking everything where hardships
would probably not be haunting me
Too bad I can only see it by imagining it
I guess I could be more positive and believe
I could probably foresee the possibilities
The problem is wanting it immediately
Welcome to the frustrations of being me
so much to expect and believe
To die is gain indeed but so is living free
Here I am again, contemplating and reflecting
but thats just how it is, so I say so be it
Just let life to keep on shaping me & moulding me
into something precious like the amethyst
I just simply want to reach and achieve
that desire I have in me: beautiful dream

~ M. Salonga